I am the parent of two young men who recently came through our education system. In my opinion, we are failing our kids in so many ways—a conversation for another day.

Today, my focus is on the most powerful thing we can help our kids, and ourselves, embrace: our mindset. I don’t have all the answers, but I know a good place to start is with the Thrive Mindset.

The Thrive Mindset

T – Thankful

Learning to look for what we have to be grateful for shifts our perspective. Gratitude allows us to see the world through a lens of appreciation, even on the hard days.

H – Healthy

Mind, body, and soul—these are all connected. We must fuel our minds with knowledge, move our bodies, and honor them. Breathe. Talk to God. Meditate.

R – Resilient

We need room to fail so we can have the opportunity to get back up. Strength is built in those moments of challenge, and resilience is the foundation of growth.

I – Inspired

What lights us up? What fills our buckets? Every single one of us needs something that brings us joy, purpose, and energy.

V – Victorious

Life will absolutely bring challenges, but we have the ability to overcome them. Every obstacle we conquer builds our confidence and strength.

E – Evolving

We are always learning, growing, reflecting, and moving forward. Progress over perfection—always.

Embracing Our Superpowers

Grounding – Get back to nature, connect with the earth, breathe, meditate, pray. Simple actions that realign and center us.

Personal Responsibility – No matter what happens, we have the power to choose our next step. Sometimes, the next step is asking for help. Life can be hard, but when we embrace the “So What, Now What” mindset, we take our power back. No matter how difficult a situation is, we get to decide how we respond and move forward.

Gratitude – When we intentionally look for small glimmers of goodness, even in the darkest moments, it shifts our energy. It changes our experience of the world.

If these concepts were truly integrated into our education system and, more importantly, our homes, we would have a world with less pain, hate, blame, and hopelessness. Schools can play a role, but it starts with us. It starts with how we live, what we model, and the conversations we have.

It’s simple, but it’s not always easy. Especially on the hard days. But we can each commit to one small action every day and build from there. My hope is that these principles become the way we all navigate life. Imagine that world.

But it starts with one step. One heart at a time. Mine. Yours.

I’ll be honest—I have days when I struggle to fully embrace my own superpowers. We all do. And that’s okay. We’re human. But recognizing when we fall short and choosing to realign is the key. We always have a choice.

Why This Matters

My heart was called to write this today because over the weekend, one of my son’s best friends took his life. I write this with tears falling, wishing he knew what a beautiful light he was in this world. My son, Kyler said, “He was such a joy to be around.” It's hard to imagine how someone who brought so much joy could not feel it himself. 

I wish he knew he could turn to the people who loved him. I wish he knew it could get better. Our hearts are broken. I know he has found the peace he was seeking, and I pray for his family as they navigate every parent’s worst nightmare.

His life has given me an even stronger drive to make an impact—one heart at a time. Together, we can shine a light so bright that it guides others to do the same.

A Simple Invitation

Please join me today in telling at least seven people what you love about them. If you feel called, invite them to join our Thriver Tribe, but more than anything, take a moment to breathe, check in with yourself, and remind yourself what you love about YOU.

We can and must do better. And it starts now.

Much love and gratitude,

Zanna

Complaining is a common human behavior. We all do it. It can feel like a natural way to vent frustrations, bond with others over shared grievances, or even gain a sense of validation. However, research in neuroscience and psychology shows that chronic complaining can rewire the brain for negativity, increase stress levels, and even damage relationships.

The good news? With intentional effort, you can shift away from complaining and cultivate a more grateful, solution-oriented mindset. Here’s how.

The Science Behind Complaining

Our brains are wired for efficiency. The more we engage in a certain behavior—such as complaining—the more it becomes a default pattern. Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity: the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on repeated thoughts and behaviors.

Each time we complain, we reinforce neural pathways that make negative thinking more automatic. Over time, this can:

• Increase cortisol, the stress hormone, leading to anxiety and fatigue.

• Strengthen negative thought patterns, making it harder to see solutions.

• Spread negativity to those around us through emotional contagion—our moods affect the people we interact with.

But just as complaining rewires the brain for negativity, practicing gratitude, solution-oriented thinking, and mindfulness can rewire it for optimism and resilience.

Step 1: Become Aware of Your Complaints

The first step in breaking any habit is awareness. Many of us complain out of routine without realizing how often we do it.

Try This: The Complaint Journal

For the next three days, keep track of every complaint—big or small. Write down:

• What you complained about

• Whether it was habitual (just venting) or constructive (solution-oriented)

• How it made you feel afterward

This simple exercise can reveal patterns in your thinking and highlight areas where change is possible.

Step 2: Reframe Complaints into Solutions

Not all complaints are bad. Constructive complaining, where we address an issue with the goal of improvement, can be productive. But mindless venting often reinforces negativity without solving anything.

Reframing Exercise

Instead of saying, “This is so frustrating!” ask yourself:

 Can I change this situation? If yes, brainstorm solutions.

 If I can’t change it, can I change my response? (So What, Now What) If no, shift your focus.

 Example: Instead of “I hate traffic!” → Try “Traffic gives me time to listen to a podcast I enjoy."

Studies show that cognitive reframing reduces stress and increases problem-solving skills, helping us move from frustration to action.

Step 3: Replace Complaining with Gratitude

One of the fastest ways to break the habit of complaining is to replace it with gratitude. Research by Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading expert on gratitude, found that regular gratitude practice can:

• Reduce depression by 30%

• Increase optimism and emotional resilience

• Improve relationships by fostering a positive perspective

Daily Gratitude Practice

 Write down three things you’re grateful for each day.

 Use a Gratitude Bucket—drop notes of appreciation inside and review them monthly.

 Instead of complaining, express thanks—even for small things.

 Example: Instead of “Ugh, I have so much work” → Try “I’m grateful for a job that challenges me.”

Over time, gratitude rewires the brain to seek out what’s going right rather than dwelling on what’s wrong.

Step 4: Shift Your Language

Words have power. The language we use not only reflects our mindset but also shapes it. By making small changes in how we phrase things, we can train our brains to focus on possibilities rather than limitations.

Try These Language Shifts:

 Instead of “I have to go to work,” say → “I get to go to work.”

 Instead of “This is a disaster,” say → “This is a challenge I can work through.”

 Instead of “I always fail,” say → “I’m learning from this experience.”

These subtle shifts reduce stress and increase motivation, helping us develop a more empowering perspective.

Step 5: Minimize Exposure to Chronic Complainers

Negativity is contagious. Spending too much time with chronic complainers can reinforce negative thought patterns and drain your energy.

How to Handle Chronic Complainers:

Set boundaries: Politely change the subject or limit time spent around habitual complainers

Redirect the conversation: Ask, “What’s one good thing that happened today?”

Surround yourself with positivity: Seek out people who inspire and uplift you.

A study from the University of Notre Dame found that being around positive people improves problem-solving abilities and overall happiness.

Step 6: Engage in Positive Activities

When we fill our lives with meaningful, uplifting activities, the urge to complain naturally decreases.

Ways to Replace Complaining with Positivity:

Exercise: Physical activity boosts endorphins, reducing stress.

Acts of Kindness: Helping others shifts focus from problems to impact.

Creative Outlets: Journaling, painting, or playing music helps express frustrations in a productive way.

Neuroscience research shows that engaging in uplifting activities weakens negative neural pathways and strengthens positive ones, making it easier to maintain an optimistic mindset.

Step 7: Use the 3:1 Positivity Ratio

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s research suggests a 3:1 positivity ratio—for every one complaint, express three positive thoughts.

 Example: If you catch yourself saying, “I’m so tired today,” follow up with:

 “I’m grateful I get to rest tonight.”

 “At least I got some important things done today.”

 “Tomorrow is a fresh start.”

This practice reprograms the brain to focus on solutions and gratitude rather than problems.

Final Challenge: The 30-Day No Complaining Challenge

Want to see real change? Try going 30 days without unnecessary complaints. Each time you catch yourself, reframe it positively or write down a gratitude.

Even two weeks of reduced complaining has been shown to lower stress, increase happiness, and improve relationships.

The Takeaway

Breaking the habit of complaining isn’t about ignoring life’s challenges—it’s about choosing a mindset that empowers you instead of drains you. By practicing awareness, gratitude, reframing, and positivity, you can train your brain to focus on solutions, embrace optimism, and cultivate a more fulfilling life.

So, next time you’re tempted to complain, pause and ask yourself: What’s one good thing I can focus on instead?

Your brain—and your happiness—will thank you.

Cheers, Zanna

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